I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
soo... how was my night?
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