If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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