Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
