and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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