Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
