I wish I could teleport
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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