I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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