Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
