Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
