the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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