We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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