Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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