hotel room ftw
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
