Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
