Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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