Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
