Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
