____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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