So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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