apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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