but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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