Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It was confusing and full of hummus
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
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