You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
