honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
