Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Define "chronic" masturbator.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
