i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
