I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
