My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
pop tarts are not kleenex
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Randomize
