His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
