I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
