Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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