I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
