I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Randomize
