There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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