I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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