My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize