just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
