She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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