so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
