you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
