Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
