all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
