You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
