your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
