There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
