i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
