There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
