I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
