Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
well you can't waste a boner
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize