How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I skipped work to stalk him.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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