Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Randomize