Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
