would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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