If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I intend to get homeless drunk
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
