I haven't been this sober since birth.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize