Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
