I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
