Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
