Your face is a jimmy john
I'm so fucking centered right now
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
