Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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