Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
