I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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