i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
