i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
