The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
accomplished twins. life is a go
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
