"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
