guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
