bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
