I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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