I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
