When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
