The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
